Coffee

Coffee is the American people's life blood. On the way to work, you have your briefcase in one hand, Starbucks in the other. I can see my big brother Daz, smiling as he counts his millions of pounds in London - yip, he works for Starbucks! "Tall, grande or venti?" For you non-Starbucks speaking Safricans, that means "Groot, fokken groot, and jirrie shit maar dit's a moerse koppie koffie!"

In the office, you get filter coffee (non of that weak Ricoffy crap!). And they drink it strong! And it's gooooood... you have to sweeten it with artificial sweetener, like chicks do back home with Canderel. And when there is sugar, it comes in a can, so you have to pour the sugar out, no teaspoon measurements. And there's never real milk (cream). You get these mini steri-stumpy flavoured milk substitutes. Or creamer, also in a can. And then you have to stir it with these thin, gay plastic straws that melt when you put them into hot coffee, so they stir jack-shit!