This is Dari Dawg, for 9News

At the end of the second week here, we got 'jacked in our own house, when some mofo with master keys came in and helped himself to our milk and Coke, laundry card and my digital camera. Jane Doe has taken it upon herself to put a stop to this by making posters and alerting everybody.

"Dear Dari,

Thank You so much for writing. We are currently trying to put a list of
victims, stolen items, dates, and contact information together so that we
can report it to 9 news. Please state in a reply if you would be willing or
not willing to talk to press if asked.

{... blah blah...}

Thanks so much for responding. Hopefully, we can make a change!"

9News is the local news station here. Now Denver is not the most exciting cities, so something like this is gonna make news. So I was like, hell yeah! Bring on the news crew! Actually I just wanna meet their blonde belter roaming reporter, Janet Jameson (or is it Jenny?). Anyways, they called me to see if I was prepared to chat, so maybe by this weekend I'll be a 9News TV star!