Dari Dawg in the USA

Signing off, Dari Dawg

2006-01-17T21:32:00.000-07:00

On this lowly Tuesday night here in chilly Denver, Colorado... this will be my last post from these shores ever. EVER! And so I begin typing...

I was planning a huge summary of my life over the past five months, but there's just way too much to write about. Maybe when I get back home, I'll try do something...

Apart from working (and shopping) this weekend, I've just been trynna cram 6 months of crap into my luggage. I'm allowed two bags in the hull weighing a max of 60 kgs or something, but I'm pretty sure I'll be over weight though! And I have my golf bag as an extra piece of luggage. I'll probably end up paying $100 in penalties... the hidden cost of big shopping!

So I've been feeling quite anxious the past two days - I don't know if I'm happy or sad to be leaving. Workwise, I'm FUCKING over the moon that I'm bouncing, but a part of me doesn't want to leave. But I'm really excited about getting back to the land of the living, chilling with The Boyz... or maybe trynna find some new friends since I've heard some people have seriously CHANGED!

Being cut short by a month, there's a lot of shit I didn't get to do which makes me quite grumpy. NYC and Frisco will have to wait, I didn't get to do as much boarding as I wanted to, I haven't been to a monster truck rally and I didn't see Carmello and the Nuggets play... maybe next time!

Anyways, here's a summary of my travels:

August 2005, arrive in Denver, Colorado:

Off immediately to Chicago, Illinois, the second biggest city after NYC.

Then it was off for four weeks of hard grind in Omaha, Nebraska in November and December:

I flew off for a weekend to Hotlanta, to get gangsta'd up:

Over Thanksgiving, I hit the big time in Las Vegas, Nevada:

And finally, Toronto, Ontario (Canada) for the best Christmas and New Years holiday with my brother and cousins:

But it's been a frikken amazing. This time has flown by so quickly, yet it feels like forever since I left (if that makes sense?). I am grateful that I was given this chance to come here. It's taught me a lot and given me the chance to do shit I never would've been able to do back home. And not to mention, the majority of my galavanting has been on the work's account (AWESOME - my December credit card payment was $7500!!!!).

Even after all the crap we had, like getting robbed, having unexpected medical bills to pay, working up to 14 hours a day six days a week, sleeping 4 hours a night... Overall, I'm happy I did this. And I might even do this again if I get the chance later later this year. But probably not to Denver, somewhere with less client work, warmer weather and less issues.

Anyways - guys, it's been fun relaying my randomness for ya'll to read. Who knew I'd crack over 5000 hits on a random blog like this? Where the hell those readers came from, who knows?

This is a great country, no doubt. Life here is good, but it's no South Africa. And because of that, I know I'm gonna be much happier back home.

With that, signing off for the last time in this country, til we meet again,
Dari Dawg in the USA.

Last two days in the US of A

2006-01-15T10:56:00.000-07:00

I had two days to mess about and spend the last of my hard earned dollarz.

Monday, January 16, actually make that 16 January 2006, saw me head back to Loveland for my final session of carving. Yet again, I picked a day when a snowstorm arrived. Downtown Denver was about 5 Celsius, but Loveland was close on -10C. And that meant my camera didn't work that well again, so not too many pics... Unfortunately, the storm got so bad I had to leave at 3pm!

Before and after (breaking my falls with my face)... got a helmet this time too!

My last Tuesday (17 Jan '06) saw me head to Red Rocks Ampitheatre - a concert venue carved out of the some cool rock formations. This place was awesome, and I'm quite disappointed I didn't watch a concert here. It has a capacity of just under 10,000 - Dave Matthews sold out four concerts in minutes, and so did Santana (he's been performing here since the 60s!

I chilled on the stands for an hour watching this hippie play with his congas, his drums I mean. The acoustics is amazing, considering that this place was built some time in the 20s, I think?! With nothing but good explding of the natural rock.

And so ended my last full day in Denver, Colorado. I went home at about 3pm, a little depressed, to finish my packing. And with that, ended my last experiences of the United States...

Three more shopping days before I leave

2006-01-14T20:33:00.000-07:00

The stock show is in town, but I passed up the opportunity to check out some cowboys and rodeo'ing to go shopping way south. And as always, everything is on SALE. Fuck, I love shit with that lil red sticker that saves you up to 70% of normal retail.

Saw the Nike sale. F'cken tickets... max'd the plastic.

It's gonna be a long three days of shopping...

Judge is a POES!

2006-01-14T00:36:00.000-07:00

But you knew that. And so is Don.

Honourable dismissal

2006-01-13T22:42:00.000-07:00

Today is my absolute last official working day here in the US. As of tomorrow, my work permit will be cancelled, and I will have about a week to chaila before they evict me from this crazy country.

Jeez has time flown by.

July 2005, Mafikeng, North West Province
There I was sitting in my hotel room at 10.30pm watching crappy SABC telly in crappy Mafikeng when I got an SMS from The Boss. Naturally, I kakked myself. And so reads the SMS:
There is an opportunity for you to be seconded to the US for 6 months. Let me know immediately if you’re interested.

I accepted immediately, ignoring the fact that I had my flights to London booked and paid for to visit my big bro.

And so began this mad rush to get visas, get cash, get sorted and get going.

And then five months later...
From: Jamie C
Sent: Thursday, December 15, 2005 12:45 PM
To: Dari Dawg
Cc: The Boss (in SA); The Boss (in Denver)
Subject: Early Release from Denver
Importance: High

We have reviewed our Denver engagement needs and have determined we need to release you from your rotation early. The effective date of your release will be 1/13/06. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
Regards,
Jamie C.

That was seriously the best news I ever heard.

So, come Wednesday, fucking lock your expensive shit up, put your money away, tell the girls to lock away their undies and put a lock on the fridge, cos this Dawg is gonna be back in the hizzy... pencil in Thursday for a cracka-lacking big one at Toiger. F'sho!

News from one fucked up weekend

2006-01-07T01:36:00.000-07:00

So this is my boet's last night in Denver, and so we had to tick off the absolute last thing on the list of shit to do - the girlie bar - and in Denver, all roads lead to Shotguns! So we hooked up a stack of singles, sat our dirty assess around the various stages and got tits rubbed in our faces until our faces were blue. Sweet!

But you know the rules - no pics inside the tittie bars, so nothing to show but a bright wide smile.

And now for the most fucked up-ness ever. EVER! Don's got a couple, Rox has two. Now, so do I. Presenting Dari Dawg Ink-orporated. Arrrwhooooo! Now this shit's HOT!

So I headed over to Paintura which is just two blocks from my apartment to get my boy Tassili to hook me up with some more ink.

Four Chinese characters - Jing Zhong Bao Guo - with a whole lot of meaning. But I'm not gonna bother to explain. For now just admire the awesome artwork. If you're lucky enough to be one of my half acquaintences, maybe I'll enlighten you. And for those of you who have never had the privelage of seeing me with my shirt off, here's my first tat which I got as when I joined my first gang at the age of 13. Kidding, I was twelve.

The last meal

2006-01-06T19:44:00.000-07:00

Big bruvva Dawg leaves tomorrow morn, and so tonight is his last meal. He wanted steak, so I got Omaha Steak - the best beef ever. EVER! So I got these mail order - how crazy is it to order a full dinner through the mail - 4 fillets, 4 stuffed potatoes, veggies and cheesecake! Through the mail. Just had to emphasize that!

Cast you minds back to when I was in Omaha, and had an Omaha Steak for the first time, a $32 piece of prime meat! Hmmmmmm....

Hooters, Walmart and Sidewok Cafe - Check

2006-01-06T19:21:00.001-07:00

So I'm back in the land of the free, back to all the crap that is my work life. But my days are numbered... details to come so watch this space.

Anyways, my boet leaves on Saturday, so we had to tick off a couple of the items on his "To do" list. So Hooters for chicken wings it was. Unfortunately, we didn't have the hottest of chickies but she was aaaight!

We then needed to pick up some random shit and so we hit the good ol' dodgy Walmart. I loves this place - full of hill-billies looking for Nascar shirts, Hispanics looking for cheap shit and us dodgy Asians buying tons of sweets. Don't you wish you were one of the kiddies back home that we're gonna hook up with some SERIOUS sugar highs? Willy Wonka's Gobstoppers, Lindt and Lindor, Hersheys, Toblerones, Runts, Nerds, you want 'em, we got 'em!

I've been meaning to take a pic of this sign since I got here, some dodgy Chinese restaurant on West Colfax - SIDEWOK CAFE. Hah - where you come to WOK your dog! I crack me up!

New Years Day

2006-01-02T19:02:00.000-07:00

Jan 1 was our last full day to mess around in Toronto.

We kicked off 2006 with a traditional Chinese Yum Cha breakfast where we feasted yet again. So great, good food, good times!

Then we went to check out the Body Worlds exhibition - the one where that mad scientist dude plasticizes human bodies and displays them artistically (if that's possible?). And then we went to play at the rest of the Science Centre. Sound geeky - shit that place is so fun for big kids like us. Ball throwing, driving games, smacking shit up, anything to keep us entertained for two seconds...

And then for the final tick off our food tour, we went for yet another feast downtown - our final goodbye to Gutch and Glenn before we flew back to Denver. It's frikken hard to believe that 12 days went by so quickly! On the menu for the night? Lobster. Niiice. And snails. Still in the shell. Jeez did that freak me out cos you have to pick them out with a skewer. And when they come out they are still all spiralled and shit.

PS
We stopped by Glenn's brother Q's for a quick visit. Imagine our surprise when this Canadian born 'n bred had a Saffer flag hanging up. And not only that, a Redneck Volkstaat old South African flag too.

Old Year's Day

2006-01-02T00:29:00.000-07:00

So we spent Old Year's Day carvin' it up at Blue Mountain, a two hour drive out of Toronto.

Obviously we kept to the green runs being the rookies that we are, but shit did we fly down some of the slopes. Courage and just plain stupidity got us carving some serious curves, while my boet got knocked the fugout after falling backwards down the slopes and cracking his head on the ice. My God was I sore. My coccyx was so frikken bruised, arms and chest stiff from having to pick myself up off the ground, not to mention my face which seemed to be the only way I could slow myself down when falling!

Anyways, it was a frikken awesome day out!

I got to make my first snow angel finally - hardly as much excitement as I thought it would be...

And they have night skiing under lights!

Anyways, we got home after 10pm after stopping for din din and visiting some of the in-laws. And that was the end of the night, no real plans for a big New Year's Party, Toronto's Nathan Phillips Square being our only hope of a party. 35,000 people packed the place in the freezing cold to watch Canada's half celebs perform and entertain, hardly worth the effort! Instead we watched Dick Clark ring in the New Year by watching his balls drop at the stroke of midnight. We hugged and kissed! And then went to bed. I must say, it was a nice change to have a quiet New Years' with some fam, none of the hecticness and logistical nightmares of years past!

Anyways, hope ya'll have a safe New Year wherever you may have been. Hope you DESHTROYED the place, hooked up with some random hotties and didn't get robbed in your drunken states or carted off by the metro pigs!

Happy New Year!

CN Tower - Take 2

2006-01-02T00:20:00.000-07:00

We finally had a sunny and clear day to check out the CN Tower, our second attempt after the fogginess we had the first time. Apparently it's the tallest free standing tower in the world, which meant it was a must-see! Being a clear day, it meant that it was poes cold in Toronto, well below freezing. Being 350 metres above the ground meant that it was fokken poes cold!

So there's this glass floor that allows you to see the ground below which is quite freaky... and if you look closely there are these crosses on the ground to show the exact spot you would hit if if had to fall...

Ballin', shot callin'

2005-12-29T16:34:00.000-07:00

We checked out a Raptors game last night - The Atlanta Hawks were in town. They are like two of the worst teams in the league, the Raptors record is something like 7 and 21 I think, and the Hawks aren't far off.

And yet 18000+ fans still packed the stadium - we got half cheap seats (C$52) and so sat far up, but still had a good view of the court.

We were told to not expect any fireworks from the team cos they're REALLY kak, but they had a half decent game, and actually beat the Hawks. It was only their second win at home this season. And they broke 100 points which meant free chow from Pizza Pizza, one of Toronto's local take-out joints.

CN Tower?

2005-12-28T15:21:00.000-07:00

We planned to check out the CN Tower, the tallest free-standing tower in the world.

But as you can see, the viz was at zero metres, hardly worth the C$30 entrance...

Niagara Falls

2005-12-28T15:07:00.000-07:00

We drove off to the Niagara falls yesterday, which is an hour's drive from Toronto. So I pictured the Falls to be within some sort of a national park, with tons of pine trees and deer and shit. What a surprise. The falls are smack bang in the city centre of the town of Niagara Falls, Ontario - the cheesiest city after Vegas. Tons of cheap casinos and flashy lights, themed restaurants and crap... but a nice experience after all.

And then we went to the banquet of all banquets back in Toronto's Chinatown - prawns, crab, all kinds of meats and fancy delicacies.

Two shopping days since Christmas

2005-12-28T14:55:00.000-07:00

Boxing day must be one of the biggest shopping days ever, where everything is up to 70% off! Holy crap - I reckon I spent more in the two days after Christmas than I spent while in Denver.

The cool thing about not seeing everyone til Jan is that I can buy all my Christmas presents on discount. Two pairs of sneakers, lots of clothes. Thank God no more fragrances... oh, and ANOTHER frikken golf bag! But a real pimp one!

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-26T15:39:00.000-07:00

So to the in-laws we went for Christmas day. If I thought we had a banquet back home, holy crap was I in for a surprise. First it was Christmas lunch, about six or seven courses. And don't forget about desert and tea. Then it was time for presents. And then off to another auntie for dinner. About a dozen different dishes, chicken, duck, turkey, sushi and lots more. And more desert. I was suffering from some hectic eat exhaustion last night...

And we finally had a white Christmas - huge slushy snowflakes began falling at night. So we had our first real snowball fight with decently packed snowballs that you could throw with decent speed and do some SERIOUS damage with - nothing like the crappy fluffy shit that falls in Denver!

Anyways, hope you guys had a good and safe Christmas and ate yourselves broken, and got lots of prezzies. Wherever you are for New Years, keep it safe, keep it real and keep it in your pants. And if you don't, keep it wrapped up! Over and out!

At home in Toronto

2005-12-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

Who knew that I'd feel so "at home" in Toronto?

Been chilling with the fam, eating food that reminds me of home, and groceries all the way from SA.

There's this shop that sells Safrican stuff, check it - biltong and boerie rolls (called Farmer's Sausage), Appletiser (now that's what I'm tokkin about), pilchards (???), Ouma rusks and Chappies and Wicks bubblegum. Oh, and Mrs Balls chutney (hmmm).

And I've never seen so many Chinese people, outside of China itself, even more than Vegas. This is probably the first time I've sworn at someone in Cantonese and they frikken understood, and then swore back doubly harsh and doubly quick! Funny...!

Welcome to Canada, eh?

2005-12-21T23:03:00.000-07:00

When I got here in August, my first priority was to take advantage of the chance to see some fam and friends that are living here. I cracked the nod to Fort Lauderdale, Florida for Thanksgiving at my cuz, but expensive flights, Hurricane Katrina and the call of Vegas put an end to that. Second invite was to go north of the border to visit my cousin Desiree (Gutch) and her hubby, Glenn, in Canad-I-A - Toronto, Ontario.

So after weeks of planning and issues with getting my passport and visa back from the fucking Canadian consulate, I was good to go. My boet in London had similar issues, only double as he had to get both American and Canadian visas.

So we fly tomorrow morn at 11.30 on Air Canada, arrive in freezing Toronto at 4.30pm. I've been monitoring the temps, they're averaging a wild 1 Celsius max! But that guarantees a White Christmas. If I thought Denver was cold...

We've got tons on the itinerary - shopping on Boxing Day (priority one), a Raptors game, visits to Toronto's sights and sounds, dining out and hopefully a club or two. And the local strip club, bookings have been made already!

Should be a cool 10 days of destroying someone else's country, and a nice break from my slit-your-wrist-again work...

Two more shopping days before Christmas

2005-12-21T22:30:00.000-07:00

Me, my boet and I are off to Canandia for the holidays tomorrow - Toronto, Ontario to be exact. I was planning to do all my Christmas shopping after Christmas when there are all the crazy-mad sales giving everything away for free, but we had to get some prezzies.

The goods, courtesy Foley's - the best department store ever. EVER!
1 x Hugo Boss Deep Red perfume gift pack
1 x Phillips electric razor
1 x Fuji Finepix Z1 digital camera 5.1MP
1 x Fossil watch for ladies
1 x Calvin Klein 5-piece perfume set for ladies
1 x Calvin Klein 5-piece cologne set for gents
1 x Aqua di Gio cologne gift pack

Don't you wish you invited us for Christmas? Rox, Judgey-Poo, jealous?

Self service toll booth

2005-12-21T22:24:00.000-07:00

So I drove all the way south down the I-25 to get to a client, so far south that I had to go through a toll gate. So I see the signs are like 50c per car. Cool, nothing hectic. Then I see exact change only. Crap. And then when I got there, it's a self service booth where you gotta throw your quarters into the bucket. I bet a lotta chicks miss - you could probably make a good living off picking quaters up from the road!

Anyway, so I didn't have the exact change - the sign says: Failure to pay may result in a fine of $250.

What to do?

Christmas wishes from SA

2005-12-21T22:22:00.000-07:00

So my (our) mommy sent us a Christmas card, all the way from sunny Safrica! How sweet. Not one for many words though...

Scrapin' in Loveland

2005-12-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

We went skiing today out in the high country at Loveland ski resort, about 90 minutes west of Denver. We actually didn't have much intention to ski since last night was quite a biggie, but we thought we may as well if we went all that way.

We stopped off at this dodgy small town called Georgetown, where we fucked around on this huge frozen lake - about a foot of ice on the top. We chilled with the local ice fisherman, and watched as they pulled out small trout that almost freeze when they get pulled out the water. It was a mild -10 Celsius!

Then off to Loveland, where we rented boards and boots and hit the kiddies slopes for two hours. Hell that's fun! Daz and I both got the hang of it quite quickly, so come Toronto, we're gonna fuck that place up SSX Tricky-style!

But it was so insanely cold that our cameras stopped working, can you believe it. Oh, and I tried beef jerky for the first time. It's not as bad as people make it out to be, it's just not as good as biltong!

Let me entertain you

2005-12-18T01:44:00.000-07:00

Can't wait til we see Robbie Williams in April.

All about the Benjamins

2005-12-18T01:40:00.000-07:00

So Daz has been earning some serious pounds in London town. Who knew working at Starbucks could be that lucrative? Seriously, he works at Starbucks. Okay so that's not the whole story, he's the trade analyst for the entire British region. So he knows his coffee... holy crap, did he arrive with some bling...

News from one fucked up weekend

2005-12-18T01:17:00.000-07:00

So who knew that an analized corporate could throw such a half-DESHTROYER Christmas party... 'scuse me, holiday party. It's un-PC to say Christmas party, or merry Christmas. You gotta wish people "Happy Holidays".

Daz joined me as my "life partner" as me pimped our way through to the Blue Crane Grill (something like that?). Even more awesome was we met a latest Safrican to be sent to the living hell that is the Denver office. Lubz, if only you knew... Wonder if he knew he'd be the only Black dude in whiter-than-Switzerland Denver?

The P.I.M.Ps - Lubz, Dawg and Daz. And all the Safricans - we were like a display for everyone to see, and naturally, the life of the partizay!

And as you know, when I'm with my work friends the REAL Dari Dawg comes out - shot the Jaggie with my manager.

Nina grindin' on the dancefloor. She's from Tennesseeeeee. And she fine! Then Sean and one of the other managers, reminds me of a certain Miss J-Poo for some reason!

Daz and Lubz shootin' shit! So this restaurant was filled with dead shit. Check the grizzly.

I was really reluctant to go tonight, but certainly glad I did. It was a little reserved, nothing compared to our office parties back home, that's for sure. At midnight, the lights came on, the place closed and we were kicked the fuck out onto the cold-asses pavement.

It snowed for most of the night so I decided to kap a couple 360s in the parking lock... Listen to the ding ding dinging - that's the warning that the handbrake is up. No shit, how else you gonna kap a handbrake turn?!

Howler of the century

2005-12-17T13:48:00.000-07:00

So we all know that Americans are quite clueless when it comes to anything outside of the borders - basically that they are the world, right? I mean, the weather on the local news is longer than the international news. And they have like four live crossings during the news hour to people reporting the weather on the street. Saddam Hussein's trial. Yah right, like that gets any airplay!

Anyways, so we've always had some laughs when we tell people we're from South Africa cos we gets some awesome schoopid replies. So here's the Top 5 dof replies.

5. Which country in South Africa are you from exactly? (Well, I could let that one slide...)
4. Cool, you should meet Obu, he's from Nigeria, you should get along well. (Yeah, if I need a fix!).
3. I thought everyone in Africa was Black. You don't look Black. (Don't I? But I'm Black on the inside, aaaight?)
2. Is it really hot there, being on the Equator and all? (Yip, which explains why we're all Black).

And the Number 1 fucking dof thing ever said {drumroll please}:
Clerk: So where you from?
Me: South Africa.
Clerk: Cool. Where abouts in South Africa, the IVORY COAST?
Me: The IVORY WHAT??? WTF? Do you even understand what you're saying? That's a whole fucking different country, 10,000 kays north!!! Jeeez!

Gotta laugh though at their naive-ness.

Dat n*gga Daz

2005-12-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

Guess who arrived in town late last night? All the way from chilly London Town into fucking cold Denver!!! My big BRUVVA!

Here in North America for four weeks - a week in Denver, then we're hitting Toronto together for Christmas and New Year, and then one week chilling in Jan '06.

And he cooks and cleans while I'm at work, he's like a housewife. Just not desparate.

001 HOF

2005-12-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

Check who I spotted here in Denver...

And the shit hits the fan!

2005-12-12T22:51:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in over five days, mainly because I've been so frikken busy at work. And, apart from work, I've done fokol! And just when hell was freezing over, all hell broke loose on Friday evening - got home at about 6.30pm, switched on my laptop to check some naked chicks of some sort. And then my worst nightmare unfolded.

The following will be my first (hopefully ONLY) real life diary incident to report while I'm here. Beware, this is real life shit going down, no jokes!

So after booting up, I reach a black screen saying something like "Windows cannot boot up due to System32-something-something file is corrupt." Fuck. Call helpdesk quick!!!!

Helpdesk: It appears that your harddrive may have crashed... we can only help you on Monday morning!

OH FOR FUCK! I almost shat myself right there, in sub zero temps I was dripping with sweat! I would've lost over 300 hours of work (note: deadline is this Friday, 16 December!). That's mainly caused by the fact that there is no place at work to back our docs up, something I did DAILY back home!!! And not to mention my research paper for Wits Biz School, would've lost half of it! For the first time ever, my thousands of photos from my travels were not a concern. That should tell you how fucked up this was!

I have never felt so nauseous over something like this before. Believe it or not, I actually puked, couple massive heaves to let go of my $6 burrito! How fucked up is that?! Although I was in bed for over 12 hours on Saturday night, I slept about two in total! I then slept the whole of Sunday. That burrito was all I ate the entire weekend. A record for this tuckshop?

Thank fucking God, come Monday morning, our techie-forensic guys at work recovered all my data - client work, research paper and photos! Jeez, what a relief! Unfortunately, the whole mishap has caused me to work some serious OT today - left the office at 10.30pm!

Lesson to be learnt: Back yo shit up. OFTEN!

Apologies for the pictureless post, but the seriousness of this post doesn't warrant a picture. And I suppose the only pic that would have fairly represented the intense-ness of this post was a photo of my burrito - sprayed all over the porcelain. Carrots, onions, rice, steak and all.

And it gets worse

2005-12-07T21:09:00.000-07:00

I know I'm going on about this, but this is just outta hand!

My client slid straight through an intersection and crashed his Beemer! ABS or no ABS, ain't nothing gonna stop you from sliding on the ice!

When hell freezes over

2005-12-06T17:34:00.000-07:00

Holy cow this place it cold! Tomorrow might be the coldest day in Denver for five years! Check tomorrow's max temp, a warm 7F (that's -14C).

I had my first "spin" in the Pontiac last night... I came to a red robot, and the moment I tapped my brakes the car slid to the right on the icy road. Using my superb Audi Advanced Driving skills and the exsperience from grinding Jamma's ol' Datsun around the corners, I drifted it in and out two cars!!! Fantastic. And not a bead of sweat or adrenalin! Chicks at the next red robot were even like, "That was awesome driving!"

I know. Call me...

G-G-G-G-Talk

2005-12-04T17:16:00.000-07:00

I now realise how Wez gets so much blogging in while at work. While doing stuff all during the week, he catches up at 8pm on Sunday nights - tick tick ticking away at his techi half-job. Can't believe you missed the 8 o' clock movie to be at work! I happened to be online and so we had a quick chat using GTalk.

How sweet is that. I used my Madonna mic just to be cool - you know, the type that clips to your ear that make you look like you work in a call centre? I was quite impressed at how clear the line was!

But I suppose it will be way too much effort to ask the rest of ya'll to get online and save me a buck-fifty a minute to phone SA - and that's $1.50 = ten Ront. Chumps!

More snow downtown

2005-12-03T19:21:00.000-07:00

Out of nowhere, it started snowing last night. No warning, no huge thunderstorm like usual. I woke up this morning to find a good couple inches of powder in the parking.

Em TV

2005-12-03T19:08:00.000-07:00

This is probably what I love most about the States! There are concerts like every week. And it's cool cos Denver has some seriously cool venues, like the Pepsi Center and Colo Convention Center where I saw Rob Thomas and Kanye to tha Wezzo...

So it's Saturday night, but I ain't going out cos: One, it's frikken cold and snowing. And Two: Eminem's Anger Management 3 Tour is live on Showtime from New York's infamous Madison Square Garden. With appearances by Fiddy, G-G-G-Uniiiit, Obie and D-12. Something like 30-thousand peeps, wish I was thurr...

More issues with money

2005-11-30T22:18:00.000-07:00

Spending dollars while earning Rands is not the most pleasant thing to do, cos you have very little to begin with and fokol left at the end of the day after food and living expenses.

And yet we are constantly being forced to pay for all these fuck ups that we're experiencing. Like ehen I first arrived, I had 2 boxes of contact lenses zikked from my hotel room, that's 6 months supply!! And then my camera got stolen. And then Sean's car got busted into, and then, and then, and then...

So check this call I apparently made today, a 4 hours plus call costing me 40-something dollars! WTF?! By the way, you pay for incoming calls here, how fucked up is that?! And so I was forced to recharge with another $25!

And if you thought that was bad - Sean went into overdraft on his checking account. And for every transaction he made, he was charged $33! Like his $5 lunch today actually cost him 38 bucks! He owes the bank close on $200 now! This fucking place is FUCKING me off!

UPDATE: Hah! They refunded me. Now I have like $65 credit. And my calls get recharged tomorrow with $70 - that's like $135 of calls for the month! Expect some random calls this weekend boys!

Kanye like to be a gold digger?

2005-11-30T20:07:00.000-07:00

Denver is officially the whitest city in the world. After that place in Sweden. I must've been the only wannabe gangsta in the house. Kanye cost me fiddy bucks, which I can't really afford after Vegas and the big weekend. But then again, it's a once in a lifetime chance. And I got free parking (which is normally $7).

So the concert was AWESOME! He played all his good ones from both his old and new albums. Shit, I thought I knew the words to a lot of songs, but these Denver whities can seriously rap!

Some randoms...

2005-11-28T21:26:00.000-07:00

How's this for parking outside Tryst - that's my Pontiac on the right. And that's how close I backed it up to the truck behind me, my bumper was actually touching his number plate!

And check this poster in Tryst's bathroom:

News from one fucked up Thanksgiving weekend

2005-11-27T20:35:00.000-07:00

And boy was this the most fucked up, longest long weekend ever! The weekend started on Thursday in Vegas, for a couple days of total fucked upness in the world's most insane place.

I got back to Denver on Sat arvi to join the rest of the Safricans for two days of awesome good times, mostly because I was with South Africans.

Saturday, 26 November 2005

Finally... Hooters. For chicken wings. And a good ogle at some quality C-cups and tight buns!

Then it was onto Tryst, a stylish Sudada-styled lounge. And final stop was 5 Degrees, an uber awesome club - finally a place to unleash my Tiger-styled dodginess.

Some intros from left to right, Dale from Diego (there for 2 years), my housemate Sean from Denver (here til Feb), Marianne from Dallas (here 'til Jan - lucky girl) and her visiting sister Andi who flew in from Jozi (using the flight paid for by the SA office) and the Dawg himself.

There are tons more dodgy pics, some not that appropriate to post on a public site like this... maybe I'll mail a couple though!

Sunday, 27 November 2005

We had plans to go skiing but those totally fell through! We were planning to leave at 6.30am for Copper Mountain - a two hour drive - but all five of us overslept. Instead we headed to the foothills to find some snow. All we found was dirty snow, but that still didn't stop of from pelting the chicks... and an iced up river that we were so dof as to walk all over. Then we totally destroyed it by throwing huge rocks through the ice... such random shit!

That must be the most awesome fun-filled weekend ever. No offense guys, but this was truly the most INTERNATIONAL MASHETE DESHTROYER time ever. EVER! Seriously, I got 4-5 hours sleep from Thursday night through to Sunday. By far the blingest, big spending four days of my life - I dropped a grand (that's DOLLARZ) between Vegas and the big jol downtown! Yikes! But all in the name of good times!

I never thought that a couple Safricans, who I didn't really know that well in SA, could be such a blast! Thanks guys, but that was awesome. Believe it or not, I'm quite grumpy that I missed out on two crazy filled days with ya'll when I was in Vegas! 'Til next time? Possibly New York in Feb, but probably San Diego to eat Dale's food and make his bathroom smell like shit (no pun intended).

VEGAS BABY! Whooo!

2005-11-26T17:08:00.000-07:00

I flew out to Vegas early on Thanksgiving morning. This place is INSANE! And just like the movies. I've never seen so many tourist - actually, they should call this place Little Asia, man there a lot of Asians here!

But never have I done so much walking, my hotel was all the way on one side, all the cool stuff was on the other side! The Strip is like five kays long! My legs, back and ankles are fucking killing me!

Welcome to Vegas - McCarren Airport - probably the only airport with slot machines in the waiting areas! Las Vegas Boulevard aka "The Strip".

I stayed a quarter mile off The Strip at a dodgy looking, but decent hotel. Then I again, I literally only spent five hours each night there sleeping. And no Vegas experience is complete without having some snaps with Elvis. I just wish I could've been married by him at the Quicki-Wed...

The MGM Grand by day. They have a lion cub enclosure inside which was okay, I suppose. The Fountains of Bellagio, with the Eiffel Tower in the background. The fountains shoot about 80m in the air, synch'd to music.

The original Caesars Palace. Where you'll find the legendary Pussycat Dolls Lounge.

For $12 I checked out Madame Tussauds in the Venetian. They have about 120 wax models, some really good, some just crap. The Britney model was fantastic, kapped a feel or two when no one was watching.

Then Vegas by night. This place is totally transformed into sensory overload! I'm amazed I didn't have an epileptic.

New York New York. The entire hotel is a remodel of some of NY's big 'scrapers like the Empire State and Chrysler buildings. The Luxor, complete with Pyramid of Giza and Sphincter.

The Mirage has this display of dolphins, white tigers and white lions of Timbivati.

Okay, I've decided there are too many photos that I want to post, so unlucky! Anyways, quick summary, two and a half days of craziness, visits to all the fancy hotels and casinos, lots of lost dollars paid the many of the casinos, but good times! Tons of entertainment, ending in a visit to The Sapphire - the world's biggest gentlemen's club! For a gentlemen's club there were a lots of girls, 300 to be exact! Oh my God, that was FANTASHTIC and DESHTROYER!!!

UPDATE: Got into The Sapphire VIP! No cover, and straight to the VIP room. Free drinks, belter chicks... such good times. Pity no photos allowed. Almost forgot, thanks to Pimp Dogg for the heads up of what to do!

The Apprentice

2005-11-22T20:40:00.000-07:00

Check my office. Okay it's not MY office, but I'm working in it for a while I'm at this client. Nice big conference style desk, wireless network, and most importantly, a view of the snow-capped mountains. One day, this WILL be my office.

Pity 'bout the ugly buildings below though...

Thanksgiving weekend

2005-11-21T20:49:00.000-07:00

vs

Thursday November 24 is Thanksgiving. And Friday is a holiday for us at work, which makes this weekend an extra long weekend.

Thanksgiving is about family. Its about giving thanks to all that you are thankful for. But I got fuck all to be thankful for - I'm a grumpy poes! So I had a toss up between a roasted turkey with my non-family or Vegas. Since I don't have no family anywhere remotely close, I decided on Vegas. VEGAS BABY!

Two nights at the Golden Palms Casino Hotel - sounds fancy, but apparently frikken dodgy. But who cares, it's relatively cheap, and only one block away from the infamous "Strip". The plan? Shopping and site-seeing by day. Gambling and strippers by night.

A couple Safricaners from Dallas and San Diego are staying at our place to go skiing in the mountains. Hopefully I'll hook up with them on Saturday arvi or Sunday morn to hit the slopes. Can't wait.

So who's jealous?

Back to the scene of the crime

2005-11-19T18:09:00.000-07:00

Sean's car got broken into outside "The Hoff" last night at about 9pm - "The Hoff" is the local bar. It's just a block away from our apartment. Niiice! It's a rental, so we don't care what happens to these cars! And that we're insured for anything and everything! Or so we thought...

Then it turns out that between Avis and Diners Club, we don't have any insurance for our cars... fuck sakes. Okay, well that's the story at the moment. More enquiries need to be done on Monday in the office.

Sean actually saw the guy leaning inside the car, but the dude bolted as soon as Sean got near. Fucken dodgy neighbourhood we in!!

At least in SA they have the decency to only break the small traingle window at the back.

First snowman in Boulder

2005-11-19T17:41:00.000-07:00

Today we had awesome 50F weather (about 10C). No jokes, after last week, it was great weather, warm and sunny. Decisions, decisions... golf? Or build a snowman?

We decide on the latter. We drove up to Boulder which is about 30 miles north of Denver to find us some serious snow to play in. The warm weather melted most of it away during the week, but we managed to find a shady spot next to the river where there was some clean, undisturbed, fluffy stuff.

And this is the snowman we built. We wanted to build a real big boy but the snow was too soft, and we didn't have much time. Not a bad attempt - turned out to be quite a good-looking fellow - all 2 foot, 3 inches of him. And no snowman is complete without a big penis... goes without saying, right?

Next time, I promise we'll build a bigger, better snowman, with an even bigger pie-nis! Promise! Oh, decided to grind the Pontiac a bit with some snow-donuts and drifting. This was the oly one caught on video, a bit tame unfortunately. The others were much more Fast 'n the Furious like. Serious drifting and 180s!

KL, Malaysia

2005-11-17T18:40:00.000-07:00

So I thought I was seeing a lot of the world... but not as much one of my colleagues Harry M - he's one of the Jozi boys based in Houston. He was shipped to Kuala Lampur, Malaysia for two weeks' client work! Holy crap, how awesome is that.

And he's working in the Petronas Towers which were the tallest buildings in the world until recently. If I'm not mistaken, the sky bridge is on the 48th floor! He's pimped it up so much he took a frikken helicopter tour of the city. Fuck that...!

Enjoy it dude, bring us back a lot of fake Nike stuff!

Marriott P.I.M.P status

2005-11-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

It's my forth week here in the Omaha Marriott. I must say, it was damn nice to arrive on Sunday and be greeted by name: "Good day Mr Dawg, your room is prep'd and ready on the 6th floor."

Last week they upgraded me to Silver Elite Service - king sized bed and stuff. This week, I got upgraded to one of the suites reserved for the big cheeses - on the Concierge Level. Free breakfast and dinner, free drinks and snacks all day.

For my room, mint chocolates on the pillows and the ultimate in PIMP livin' - my very own Heffner-styled bathrobe. Wore it every night. Just because!

The calm after the storm

2005-11-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to the most amazingly clear day ever. All the snow from yesterday had frozen over and not a cloud in the sky. It looks like a really warm day doesn't it? Max temp was 32F (0 Celcius). I was outside for two minutes snapping these shots before I had to run back inside with a brain freeze...

Snow-maha

2005-11-15T18:57:00.000-07:00

So I woke up this morning to a really grey morning. After scraping all the crap out my eyes (slept with my contacts in again!) I realized it was snowing!!! This is my fourth week in Omaha, it's the first time that anything in this city has made me remotely happy!

That happines was short-lived though. My God it was cold! The morning temp was definitely below zero! I got out to the parking lot and realised that I was in some serious shit, there was snow all over the car. So I used my work file to scrape it all off - luckily it was still soft and fluffy so it came off easily. Little did I realise that they provide an ice scraper in the rental cars... such a snow virgin!

When I finished work, there was so much frikken ice on my car - my door was frozen shut. I couldn't take pictures cos I reckon I would've frozen in my boots if I stopped moving! Spent five minutes doing some serious scraping cos everything had iced up!

I always wished for snow, gotta seriously be careful what I wish for!

Kanye like to come wif?

2005-11-15T11:05:00.000-07:00

Kanye West is coming to town! He plays at the Convention Centre where Rob Thomas played. Tickets are also $50-60 after ALL the frikken fees and royalties and Hurricane Harry donations. That's steep, considering the concert is the week after Thanksgiving - which is when I hit Vegas (VEGAS BABY!). That weekend also includes skiing - the rest of the Safricaners from San Diego, Houston and Dallas are coming to crash at our place and we're taking them up to the mountains! So money , she is tight.

Now I ain't rich like a gold digger,
spending $$$ while earning Rands makes me a po' n*gga,
so I needa get some cash so I can go n*gga,
and be pimpin' front row of the show n*gga! Whoa!

Didn't know that I could spit fire, right? Well I can. PREACH!

Frikken freezing

2005-11-14T21:03:00.000-07:00

Monday, November 14, 10pm

Sean called to let me know that it's fucking cold in Denver since it's snowing. Jeez, I'm glad I'm not there, it's cold enough here in Omaha. You're gonna hear a lot about the weather this week - that's because I in Omaha and there's fuck all else to talk about...

More snow in Denver

2005-11-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

More snow is forcast for Denver for Monday and Tuesday.

Once again, I'll be in Omaha, so will miss my opportunity to be in snow for the first time. But, alas, I will have more than enough opportunity to play in some powder... Toronto in December - can't wait!

I'm actually shitting rocks about the upcoming winter, it already way too cold for me. Toronto is even colder than Denver - Christmas temps are way below freezing! Check last Christmas' maximum, a whopping -6 Celcius.

Colo Convention Center

2005-11-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

Instead of putting in some extra hours at the office, and fighting off the urge to play a round at a mountain-side course, I walked around downtown, randomising in and out of the shops along the 16th Street Mall.

I ended up at the Colorado Convention Center where they were having this huge "boyz toyz" expo. This place is massive, with tons of expo halls and arenas - it's where I saw Rob Thomas...

Canadia, eh?

2005-11-12T17:16:00.000-07:00

After two weeks of anxious waiting, my passport, complete with multi entry visa to Canadia, arrived.

My huge issue was that I had to mail my passport and application to the Canadian consulate in LA. And if my passport went walkies along the way, I'd be in some serious shi'ite!

Actually, when I opened my passport, I couldn't find the visa. Then I saw the prepaid courier envelope that had the message "Metered stamp not acceptable". Now that was French to me. So I thought that my application was not processed just because the fucking postage stamp wasn't enough. Ah f'fuck sakes - I thought that I would have to repay all the fees to make another application - that's $130 for the application, $44 courier fees there and back, and $14 for two passport photos. Jeez. I almost cried.

But alas, on page 19 of my passport was my shiny new visa, valid 'til 2008.

Just a heads up should you need to ever do this. The Canadian consulate in LA is about as useless SA Home Affairs on a Friday afternoon, just after lunch and just before chaila time. Their helpline has the longest list of options ever {say in indecipherable French accent}: "If you are a non-US citizen, working in the US, and you are right handed with one testicle, Press 20546. *Beep* I'm sorry, you have chosen an incorrect option, bye bye". Sacre bleu!!!! And you never ever get to speak to a real person. And their website is fucking useless - it sends you round in circles!

Amazingly, after receiving my application, they processed it and mailed it back (regular mail) in 4 days or so. Impressive.

Awesome Autumn in Colorado

2005-11-11T22:45:00.000-07:00

I never quite understood it when people spoke about beautiful Autumn colours. I suppose, back home all trees are pretty much green all year. And that we don't really have a winter! Well at least compared to this place.

But check these Autumn pics. Awesome.

Twister

2005-11-07T19:55:00.000-07:00

EVANSVILLE, Indiana (CNN) -- At least one tornado ripped through southern Indiana near Evansville before dawn Sunday, killing at least 22 people and injuring about 230.

Many of the dead were killed after their trailer park homes provided fokol protection from the killer winds. Teach them for livin' in a trailer...

I got a semi-frantic email from my mommy back home, thinking that I was caught in the tornado. No, no, Mother, Indiana is a whole two states east of Omaha.

Seriously, again, America is fucked up! If it ain't hurricanes, it's tornados. Or avalanches. Or earthquakes. It's a massive natural disaster waiting to happen. Luckily I'm in Omaha, this place is so shit I reckon there'd be more to do if a twister tore this place a new one.

Omaha - Round 2

2005-11-06T21:15:00.000-07:00

Like I said, I had a really chilled weekend - by "chilled" I mean that I only had to work about 2 hours on Saturday. But it's back to the grindstone here in Omaha, Ne. It amazes me how I'm so busy in such a slow town. This was the airport when I got in.

I sat next to an Aussie on the plane. How's this, for some reason I asked if he was British. That pissed him off just as much as it does when people ask if I'm Aussie! I have know idea what made me say that. For someone who has does more accents than he does chicks (even here in loose America), I should've really recognised the Aussie twang! Luckily he got over it quickly, so we had good chats about rugby, cricket and dof Americans.

Staying again at the Marriot. Finally, they've realised that I am a PIMP and I've been upgraded to Elite Member status. Which means a king-sized bed and chocolates on the pilllows. Yip, that's about it.

Remember, this is Omaha, so don't expect any interesting pics. The snaps of my hotel room are as interesting as its gonna get. Unless, of course I find me a Omaha skank to entertain...

A quick 9 @ JFK

2005-11-06T14:55:00.000-07:00

So after the crazy-assed snow fall (as light as it was) that the weathermen couldn't forecast, Sunday came round with awesome high 60F temps (about 20C). So off to the golf course to take advantage.

I drove out south to Aurora to have a swing at JF Kennedy Course. Hooked up with an old dude called Troy and his wife Cindy. Although it was partly cloudy, it was frikken warm!

Remind me again, golf stands for "Gents only, ladies forbidden", right? There's a reason why chicks shouldn't be allowed on the course - cos they're CRAP!!!

Judge, as for your 4 rounds of golf last week... get a real job. With a bun in the oven, gotta make some dough to put bread on the table dude... well, that's what the missus told me. Serious!

Saturday morning

2005-11-05T19:28:00.000-07:00

9.30am: Leave home. Weather - overcast and cool.
9.35am: Arrive and park car downtown. Weather: fucking windy and FUCKING cold. And raining.
9.36am: Rain is stinging my face. Run for shelter.
9.37am: Under shelter. Realise I'm covered in ICE!!!!
9.40am: Run to office, check the temparature. Five Celcius. And partly cloudy??? How the fuck can you not forecast SNOW on the way?!
10.40am: Leave work. Weather - bright sunshine.

As the ice was falling. And then an hour later.

Again, this place is FUCKED UP. Like Siamese twins joined at the mouth.

News from one chilled weekend

2005-11-05T17:25:00.000-07:00

We went to one of the neighbourhood bars on Friday night - Park Tavern Denver. Next to me is Sean, the other Safrican from Jozi, Corey, one of our colleagues and his wife.

We actually had trouble getting in, they wouldn't accept our Safrican drivers' licences. Had some serious convincing and negotiating to do, you know: "Ah c'mon, we've just arrived in Denver this afternoon - we're all the way from South Africa. And we're only here 'til Sunday blah, blah, blah."

We spent most of the night randomising about random shit. It was fantastic. And we watched a couple NHL games and the Nuggets chow the Portland Trailblazers by 40 odd points.

The night was so chilled this was the only pic I snapped. And cos there were no real belters in sight.

Saw this outside a diner

2005-11-05T16:00:00.000-07:00

Arrr-whoooooo!

Rob Thomas, November 1, 9pm

2005-11-02T12:16:00.000-07:00

So I paid just under 50 big ones got me a ticket to Rob Thomas at the Denver Convention Centre. It’s a huge arena, probably about 5000 seats.

Some small random band Antigone something (pronounced An-tee-gah-nee) opened, just a whole bunch of rock chicks screaming really loud.

It was a REALLY old crowd for some reason, and so it was a bit of a mellow one. The whole seating arrangements add to the lack of craziness. Basically it was no bender like Basement Jaxx, Jamiroquai or BEP, but a lot more personality and crowd interaction than Avril. But shit he’s good live. He chats to the crowd about his random (probably drug-induced) goings-on and life etc.

He played a lot of Matchbox 20’s hits and even “Smooth”, the collabo with Santana.
And sound was brilliant since it’s a real indoor auditorium – not of that tinny Northgate Dome crap that we have to listen to. I sat behind the soundstage, so best sound in the house.

Believe it or not, he didn’t sell out! I think Paul McCartney and Def Leppard had something to do with that maybe? The two played at different arenas, both just around the corner. Imagine three concerts on one random Tuesday night?!
So got home at 1.30, up at 6.30. Thank God work has been easy going today…

The dodgy bootlegging Asian in me captured all the good songs. Download them here for free before I burn them to DVD, where they go on sale Saturday morning on Atterbury Road and Eastgate entrance 3 (Secret pass phrase: “How much is that doggie in the window?”). Just ignore the shakiness, I was busy dialing G Man back home.
Lonely no more
Don’t know the name of this one
Let’s dance

Reason to stay in Denver

2005-11-02T04:35:00.000-07:00

Questions and answers are bouncing back 'n forth about us staying "a little longer" here in Denver. I don't know so much about that, things are cool here, but it's no SA. Come Feb, it's huis toe.

The office is really gonna need to convince me to extend my stay. Like more money. And by that I mean actually getting paid in DOLLARZ - earning and spending Rands while living in Denver is not good!

But here is a real reason to stay... it is now legal to carry an ounce of green in Denver. Not that I'm a dope-head or anything. Promise!

Being the unknowing, naive and innocent foreigner that I am, I have absolutely no idea what an OUNCE is. So I'll just use my judgement.

Man it's a hot one...

2005-10-31T17:55:00.000-07:00

...like seven inches from the midday sun.

Guess who's performing in town tonight? And guess who's going?

Rob Thomas. Live 'n direct. Tonight, 8pm. Denver Convention Centre.

It cost me fiddy bucks which I can't quite afford at the mo with all my galavanting, but what the hell - livin' it up, ya'll.

Daylight savings

2005-10-31T08:55:00.000-07:00

Saturday was the end of daylight savings time. Or was it the beginning? Whatever it was, we had to turn our clocks back one hour, which was really fucked up cos no one told me! Somehow, the whole of Denver managed to keep this prank from me without anyone spilling the beans.

On Sunday I was on the tee box a whole hour before everyone else. Kriek kriek.

For fuck sakes, this country!

Ah f' fuck

2005-10-31T05:42:00.000-07:00

Check the temp today at noon. Seven frikken degrees Celcius. Wind chill at 5 degrees. Eish!

News from one fucked up Halloween weekend

2005-10-30T02:50:00.000-07:00

So we cracked the nod to one of the biggest Halloween block parties in town. A small street of houses opened their doors and garages to random strangers for a massive free for all - kegs, food and bitches were all there for the taking. But all the fun was to be had in the street. Coincidentally, all the girls to be had were also in the street.

If you’re wondering what I went as, I was a “frikken cold Safrican in 5 degree Denver”. Original.

Halloween? Hallooooo nurse!

Some of the crazy ones, and some bee-yay-yelters. Check Mrs Incredible. Boy was she incredible – spandex is not for everyone. But if you are one of the lucky few, flaunt it!!! By far the hottest chick there, she spent all night dancing by herself. So decided to challenge her to a dance-off. I fucken DESHTROYED her. I just wish I had the pics to prove it! Reminds me of the night at Odds before I left SA…

Even animals get dressed up.

Halloweezy in da offeezy

2005-10-29T16:13:00.000-06:00

So the office totally broke the stereotype of typical companies in our industry - you know, stuck-up, no personalities, rigid and just plain boring kinda office life and staff.

Check our Halloween party we had on Thursday. We occupy four floors in a highrise, and offices, passages and conference rooms on all four floors were transformed into horror and haunted houses and the like. Then the staff's kids were invited to come trick or treat.

Halloween is frikken huge here, and SO much fun. I just wish they let me know that I had to dress up.

I didn't get any work done the whole day, just messed around and helped decorate the office (but that just meant that I had four days to do 50 hours of work!!)

Wacko jack-o-lantern

2005-10-27T20:37:00.000-06:00

Monday is Halloween. So I'm getting ready and into the spirit of the festivities - got me a pumpkin, got the kitchen knives and 35 minutes later, voila! Jack-o-lantern!

So here are some instructions on how to carve a pumpkin into a jack-o-lantern:

Step 1:
Get a pumpkin. $2.99 at King Soopers.

Step 2:
Cut out a whole on the top to scoop all the pumpkin's brains out. Kidding, a pumpkin doesn't have brains, silly!

Step 3:
Cut out the eyes, nose and mouth. Lean back, admire your handywork.

And what do you do if you fucked up your jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch! {drum, drum, cymbal}

This is the poh-lice callin'

2005-10-26T19:39:00.000-06:00

Being the desensitised Safricaner, being robbed didn't really freak me out. I didn't call the cops to lift fingerprints, I didn't file a police report, I didn't go to bed with a baseball bat.

Yesterday, to my surprise, I get a call from Detective James Nash, Denver poh-lice (sounds like a TV-cop's name). He let me know that they have a lot of recovered goods, and wanted to know if any of it belonged to me. How's that? They actually investigated the petty break-ins, arrested the dude and recovered some stuff. But no luck, no Minolta digital. But Mr Dee-tective assures me that they are STILL investigating, and that more items may be recovered. He then made me file a police report online - according to him, it's my "duty towards the community to so".

Man, if only SA's pigs were this efficient.

The most Amazon website ever!

2005-10-25T20:10:00.000-06:00

So online shopping here is huge. I buy everything online. Bought my first stuff from Amazon.com, CDs and DVDs. Finally got my very own "Up in Smoke" DVD. And its much better than yours Mr J-Poo. Extra scenes. So weh!

Also got BEP's Monkey Biz and Ciara's Goodies, for about $6 each. The DVD was just under 10 bucks. Sweet!

The office

2005-10-25T20:03:00.000-06:00

One day. Four different clients. A thousand Post-Its.

Frikken over this! Been working 10-12 hours a day. G Man, so this is your life?

Heroes in a half shell

2005-10-23T19:53:00.000-06:00

This is conclusive that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are alive and kicking, right here in downtown Denver. They've laid low since I last saw them in Standard 4, out of a job after that dirty rat Splinter nicked their hard earned pizza and ran away with the belter April O'Neal.

And not only are they making a good living running Denver's underground dealings, but they're shhmokin' up some serious shhtogies down thurr.

Strange, ne?

Round one. FIGHT!

2005-10-22T22:51:00.000-06:00

After busting Wezzo using some swift camera work (and my inherant Asian ability to bootleg shit off the big screen), I thought it would be fun to capture some more clips off the telly. Actually I had nothing to do in crappy Omaha. Stumbled across this rap battle on BET, just like the one in 8 Mile.

Dee Dizza vs Big Dilla.

Big Dilla wins. FATALITY!

Oma-Zzzz

2005-10-22T21:46:00.000-06:00

After two weeks of hard grind in Omaha, I finally had a day to check the town. What a kak city, really fucking boring, kinda like Welkom would be if it wasn't for the traffic circles.

So the locals pointed the zoo out, apparently the best thing in Omaha since the death penalty. And good thing I chose today to spend outdoors, it was only 50F (10 Celcius) and raining.

Henry Doorly Zoo and it's desert dome.

Creepy crawlies.

The best part of the zoo - they must have about twenty gorillaz with about 4 silverbacks. Check this big papi, and the wittle one. Awww....

Big white bear and sleepy striped cat.

Reminders of home. I miss looking into the back yard and seeing the elephants moving through the bush towards the river, lions feasting on the nightly buffalo kill and Moses making his way towards the longdrop every morning.

Hell, now this ain't something you see too often. Giraffe... and jackass penguins. And an swimming emperor.

Funny squishies and a crazy shrimp.

Apparently the biggest recreation of a tropical rain forest.

Seether best rock band since U2

2005-10-22T21:22:00.000-06:00

I met this American chick whose favourite band is ZA's very own Seether. Wezzo then posted their video, and I distributed it around the office. And everybody loves them. Then I heard them on the radio. (Sorry the sound ain't so good, but it's the song with the chick from Effervescence, I mean Emmenescense).

The Houstoners are checking them live in concert as I write. I was planning to make the trip, if it wasn't for being out of town.

Got back

2005-10-17T19:53:00.000-06:00

I like women like I like my coffee – strong and black.

And I love big butts and I cannot lie. In white pants. Win-win situation.

Sunday in ATL

2005-10-16T18:39:00.000-06:00

I rushed off to the behind the scenes tour of CNN HQ in Atlanta, where all the live news bulletins are done. Had demos of the teleprompters, weather and other stuff. Very interesting. Thought I saw Arnand Naidoo there in the line in the food court. Remember him, the Indian dude that was an M-Net presenter, then moved onto reading the news on SABC 3. But alas is was not him, just another Paki ordering a bunny chow in front of me.

Most of the tour was was top secret so we weren't allowed to take photos. I thought the escalator down to the underground was long - this is the highest escalator in the world - 8 storeys high!

I then moseyed on to Centennial Olympic Park, which was dedicated to the 1996 Summer Olympic Games. It makes me wonder how they won the right to host the Olypmics, I wonder where they hid all the gangstas?

Come 3.30pm, I was back on the subway, huis toe! Actually not really, back to sleepy Omaha for another long week's slog to but bread on the table.

The birthplace of Coca Cola

2005-10-16T18:29:00.000-06:00

When I told people I was off to Atlanta, big brotha Daz was like, “Ooooh, the home of Coke!” Before moving to London for the big bucks of Starbucks, he was with Coca Cola in SA – the exciting life and times of a Coke and coffee vendor.

Quick history:
Atlanta is where the secret formula was invented by a pharmacist way back in the 1800s. He was then dof enough to sell the secret recipe to some business tycoon for peanuts, and the rest was history. It was at first only available from soda fountains so two other guys bought the bottling rights. For a dollar. And so began the world’s most recognizable brand...

Ten points for writing the T-Shirt Hell equivalent of this slogan...

PS Did you know that Coca Cola was basically the "creator" of what modern day Santa Claus looks like? Interesting, huh? And just for shits and giggles, if you have a quick line, check the vid of how many serving of Coca Cola drinks have been sold worldwide (8MB).

Atlan’a, Hotlanta, A-Town, ATL

2005-10-16T17:44:00.000-06:00

Call it what you want. I knew this place was home to a lotta rappers and entertainment thugs, but this place is GANGSTA.

And I stayed downtown, which is nothing short of Hillbrow or Sunnyside. I stayed in the cheapest dodgiest place, the Super 8 MOTEL, subsequently renamed to the Super 8 Hotel. Checked in late Friday night, the chick is like, “\"Its $10 a hour – you look like a two-dollar-fiddy kinda brotha". It was a decent place to stay, if you would just ignore the stains caused by various ejaculate, abortion after spew, shotgun suicide and other general leakiness derived from the human body.

Okay, it wasn’t that bad. Until the 3am shooting outside my window early Sunday morn - nothing to wake you like three caps in the night. Rushed to the window to see a hysterical girl, and people running in all directions. Like, I said, this place is GANGSTA.

Cops were on the scene and pursuit within a minute, which is amazing. Ambulances took a lil longer, but I grandpa’d off before they arrived. Forgive me for my insensitive-ness, but I’m Safrican, shootings come and go without me batting an eyelid {yawn}.

Downtown. Don’t be fooled, I'm only showing you the good pics. I was too afraid to whip out my camera in the presence of the gangstas.

This must be the longest escalor to the underground, the trip must take over a minute. Click to enlarge.

Off to Atlanta

2005-10-16T00:00:00.000-06:00

Instead of flying back to Denver for the weekend, I've used the ticket to fly to Atlanta, Georgia, way down south.

Atlanta was my first port of entry when I arrived way back when - all I know about Atlanta is that is was frikken humid when I landed, even inside the airport!

I should get a car like this

2005-10-13T18:55:00.000-06:00

...but not this one cos I'ma fuck this one up!

So this my rental here in Omaha, a Misubishi something - a fucking machine! Metallic black, tiptronic, heated leather seats, traction control and all the other bells and whistles. And a 3.8 litre V6 powerhouse under the hood!

I've been joyriding the shit outta this puppy, I think the traction control burnt out. And the handbrake. And the ABS. The clutch would've been burnt out if it had one.

Autumn in Omaha

2005-10-12T20:01:00.000-06:00

Orange Autumn leaves, dark rainy sky and red setting sun.

Big poopin'

2005-10-12T19:51:00.000-06:00

While having my big poo after my big meal, I noticed this in my bathroom. Is that a bottle opener? Wezz and G-Man, how sweet would that be? Having a beer while on the crapper...

Don't ask why I had my camera with me while I was in the bathroom.

Well here's the rest of my room, it's like every other Marriot I've stayed in. I should really sign up for their frequent flyer program, I'm sure I've racked up enough points to stay a week on the moon hotel by now!

Big assed steak

2005-10-12T19:21:00.000-06:00

...and it wasn't Texan. Omaha is famous for its beef.

And so to the local fancy-pants steakhouse we trundled. Without hesitation, it had to be the 12 ounce fillet. That's 340 grams, 4 cm thick piece of tender beef ass! Almost fell over when I saw how much it cost. THIRTY TWO DOLLARS!!!! Before tax! But you only live once...

And all you get is the steak. You still have to order extras like veggies and fries etc. So a bling meal it was, but is was fucking good! All deep red, dripping with bloody juiciness...

Total bill came to $200 between three of us, my share a scary 60 bucks! But thank God we expensed it (thank you Mr Client), otherwise I would be in tears by now, and going hungry for the rest of the month.

And then I had a BIG POO.

Snow white

2005-10-11T23:01:00.000-06:00

This was the first dump of snow in Denver for the year. We were told that it doesn't really snow in Denver. Crisis. Thank God I'm in Omaha cos it's frikken chaos. Schools are closed, the I-70 was shut down for 70 miles, people snowed in...

Apparently 22 inches fell overnight in some areas. That's crazy mad, almost a metre I think. And if it wasn't snowing, it was pissing with rain! But then the sun came out, and melted all the snow in two days or so. By time I got back from Omaha, everything was hunky dorry.

Pics from ABC 7 News.

Welcome winter!

2005-10-10T19:08:00.000-06:00

They told us that Denver doesn't have an autumn... no fucking kidding. I mentioned snow was forecast for today, but what the fuck! I was expecting a dusting, but serious snow storm of note hit Denver overnight! Highways closed, people snowed in, random branches falling on old ladies that can't get out the way quick enough, you know, the usual snow storm stories... fuck, there's a photo of her, now I feel bad.

Thank God I'm in Omaha, where things are a lot more mild...

Check more pics here.

Screw this, I'm coming home. The White Christmas can go fuck it's hand!

Jetsettin' to Omaha, Nebraska

2005-10-09T10:55:00.000-06:00

I'm off this arvi to the town of Omaha, Nebraska for the next two weeks. Omaha is apparently as interesting as Kameelperdsfontein during Sunday mass.

But its somewhere I've never been before, and will probably never have the chance (thank God) to visit again. We'll see, maybe it's a hoot. (Can I get "hoot-hoot"???).

Then next weekend I mosey on to Atlanta, Georgia - my first port of entry when I arrived here. I'm there for Friday to Sunday on a personal holiday - the shindig is costing me a fortune, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Later Chumps!

Roadtrippin'

2005-10-08T18:20:00.000-06:00

Armed with nothing but a full tank of gas, about 30 bucks, a jacket and my camera, I roadtripped way down south to Colorado Springs, to make my way up Pike's Peak - one of the so-called "Fourteeners", peaks with elevations of more than 14,000 feet. It was 20-something degrees Celcius, probably the last warm day of the year, so it was a good day to go. Snow is forecast for Monday... then it's downhill from there.

It's a 19 mile drive up to the summit, climbing some 8,000 feet in elevation from the town below. The drive up is beautiful, clear skies, cool rock formations, autumn leaves, thousands of pine trees and bright blue water. But the summit, looks like a mine quarry. It's so high, there's so little oxygen and water for anything to live (and fucken cold too).

Anyway, I got lost and ended up at the North Pole. Always thought Santa ran a non-profit organisation, but obviously not.

Beware, BIGFOOT!

Now this is scary, no rails, narrow passes and loose gravel roads. That Audi advance driving course really paid off, drifted like a rally driver.

Panoramic shot, four photos merged into one. Technology. Gotta love it.

Ninety minutes later, I reached the peak, 14,110 feet above sea level.

The drive up makes your engine work OT, and there stops where you can cool your engine down. The drive down deshtroys your brakes. All you smell is that burnt something smell like when chick's drive with the handbrake up.

Was told to take lots of photies, ended up with almost 150!! So quite a sweet day out, min cash spent, good times had!

Postcards on the way!

2005-10-08T18:13:00.000-06:00

Hey guys, wish you were HER.

But with the postal systems as they are, and the fact that you guys are 12,000 miles away, expect them in about thirty-three sleeps.

I blocked out the addresses, cos you know we're rock stars, and I don't want you guys to get swarmed by thousands of teenage girls camped on the patio, wanting ya'll to sign their training bras.

Gummy Bewwy Joos

2005-10-06T21:14:00.000-06:00

At 50c a litre, this flavoured water is tha shit! And there are like ten flavours!

Okay I got nothing!

Hardware tickets for sale

2005-10-05T22:03:00.000-06:00

I spent ten minutes with a scalper at the robot negotiating for, what I thought, were Avs tickets.

And after we settled on a price (three green lights later), I realised they were Nine Inch Nails tickets. They have tickets for hardware? This country really is loco.

ATT: Rox

2005-10-05T21:18:00.000-06:00

Today was Housekeeping Wednesday. That means some lady comes in and does fuck all but open the curtains, straighten shit, use my toilet and sleep in my bed 'til its chaila time.

Rox, you gave me shit last week, but this would piss anyone off!

Bathroom:
If you've taken the time straighten up my toiletries around the basin, you may as well have put it in the cabinet!

Kitchen:
Again, please just pack the stuff away. This is my fave', check the pic carefully. After a massive bacon, sausage 'n egg, blueberry muffin and fresh muesli with mountain fruit yoghurt breakfast, I couldn't find space to pack away this slice of toast. But luckily, the maid saved it for me, cos when I got back from work, I was SO HUNGRY that I couldn't wait to make a fresh slice of toast - this one was ready and waiting to be eaten!

Next to the toast is a single peanut in its shell (I doubt you can see it). I had peanuts two nights ago, and she probably found it was on the floor somewhere. Again, the maid saved it for me. Thanks!

Speaking of traffic violations

2005-10-04T19:29:00.000-06:00

A mere half an hour after I got my new wheels, I got this frikken parking ticket just outside my office. They're fucking strict about parking, my metre had run out 7 minutes before the ticket was written out! Forty dollars. That's like 220 Ront! D'you how many pies I could buy for 220 smackeroos?!!!

I wonder if there's a magistrate's office where I can go give my well practiced "Ma'am, I'm a poor foreign student" speech.

Prepare to meet Bubba

2005-10-04T19:07:00.000-06:00

Much RESPEC' to the poh-lice!

After getting robbed, I didn't have much hope for the poh-lice to do anything about it. Seriously, I didn't even bother to report the break-in to the police, I mean, back home you only do it for insurance purposes right? Then again, this is America, and the cops actually do their jobs. And big up to the news crews too. And the biggest big up to Heather.

They actually caught the fucker that broke into our apartments.

If you can't read it, they caught 19 year old ANTHONY HINES after he was stopped for a traffic violation by campus police at one of the local universities. What a FUCK! How useless do you have to be to get bust by CAMPUS POLICE!! It turned out he was in a stolen car, and then the police linked him to over two dozen burglaries at our apartments.

I wonder if I can go claim my camera back - "Check the pics, I'm the guy in the middle of the lezbo pretzel alongside the pool. Can't you recognise my eyes through the gimp mask?"

Anthony, don't forget the super loob and anal tampons to stop the anal leakage. You STUPID FUCK!!!

Upgrade

2005-10-01T18:13:00.000-06:00

I got bored of the Chevy Cobalt, and exchanged it with a Suzuki Verona, a 3 litre power house. It's a bit of an old man's car though. Check the size of the trunk, it could fit four golf bags lengthwise easily. None of that gay one bag in the boot, one in the back seat stuff, like Judge's car!

Golf @ City Park

2005-10-01T17:53:00.000-06:00

Played a round with two of the most gangsta-assed mofos ever. Golf with "my people".

"N*gga this, n*gga that, I'ma bus' a cap in yo' ass if you ain't shut the fuck up." I wasn't sure if they were joking about that shit, chances were good that they were packin'. I've seen Wezzo swear at the ball, G Man beg the ball to fly straight, but I've never seen a guy swear he's gonna get gangsta if it doesn't get in the hole.

Quote of the day:
"Fucken white man's game. If this was a black man's game, the cart would be dropped with 13 inch spinners, mu'fucka!"

PREACH!

16th Street Mall

2005-10-01T10:04:00.000-06:00

I had a chilled one tonight - most of the people I know went to the Foo Fighters / Weezer concert at the Pepsi Centre. I was like, who the hell are they?

Instead, I randomised my way down the to the 16th Street Mall, a mile long "mall" with various street front shops and restaurants and night spots. I had din-din at Arby's - beef sa'mich and medium soda - it's 750 mills! Being a dirty minded guy, take a look at the logo again, ignore the Arby's lettering. I used my best Paint skills to illustrate my point in case you have bad visualization skills. Hmmm, subliminal messaging...?

The "mall". It's quite strange, the homeless people hustle each other at chess, all day, all night.

Check the colour scheme of this restaurant. 'Tis hurr we (and Judge) learned to live.

Some hotel. And Floyds. The Barbershop. It was like 11.30pm and they were still open. Yip, cos after a pleasant evening out, a haircut is just what I need before I make my way home to watch the midnight porn on cable.

Sue who?

2005-09-30T18:34:00.000-06:00

We all know that Americans sue other Americans for anything and everything. And so there are warnings and disclaimers on everything.

The disclaimer for medical ads is actually longer than the advert itself, and they speed up the voice so it sounds like The Chipmunks (Alvin, Simon... Theodore!). And medical ads are dodgy. For example:

{hot chick talking to camera}
"Having syphyllis isn't a death warrant, you CAN get treatment from your local clinic. Ask you physician now for {product name}."

And then the disclaimer:
{read as fast as you can in Alvin's voice}
"Only 7 percent effective, results not guaranteed, product has never been tested on humans, side-effects include headaches, bleeding gums, diarrhea, paranoia, heart-attacks and pre-mature death. Product should not be used by babies or children, women who are pregnant, who may become pregnant or who are busy birthing as we speak. In fact, this product is not fit for human consumption. No cash refunds, only exchanges for other drugs that are as dangerous, or even more dangerous as this product."

And then the disclaimer on the disclaimer:
"Any pre-mature deaths described above have not been conclusively linked to the use of {product name}, as stated by the Sao Paolo Institute of Madikill Doktors."

Anyways, check the warning on this box in our office:

Disclaimer:
The above text is loosely based on the truth, in fact, it is just huge exaggeration thereof. This is a parody, and not to be taken seriously.

Channel 4 News

2005-09-30T18:27:00.000-06:00

Like I said, Denver isn't that interesting, so thefts at the Parkway are gonna make news. And like I said, the news crew arrived today.

Unfortunately, I wasn't interviewed, like I was promised. I think they decided I wasn't credible enough as a victim - dodgy Asian from South Africa - I look more like the thief.

Coffee

2005-09-30T18:06:00.000-06:00

Coffee is the American people's life blood. On the way to work, you have your briefcase in one hand, Starbucks in the other. I can see my big brother Daz, smiling as he counts his millions of pounds in London - yip, he works for Starbucks! "Tall, grande or venti?" For you non-Starbucks speaking Safricans, that means "Groot, fokken groot, and jirrie shit maar dit's a moerse koppie koffie!"

In the office, you get filter coffee (non of that weak Ricoffy crap!). And they drink it strong! And it's gooooood... you have to sweeten it with artificial sweetener, like chicks do back home with Canderel. And when there is sugar, it comes in a can, so you have to pour the sugar out, no teaspoon measurements. And there's never real milk (cream). You get these mini steri-stumpy flavoured milk substitutes. Or creamer, also in a can. And then you have to stir it with these thin, gay plastic straws that melt when you put them into hot coffee, so they stir jack-shit!

New ride

2005-09-28T21:32:00.000-06:00

Traded in my big assed Chevy Montecarlo a while back for something a little less boat-like, for something more sportier, designed for someone under 60. Chevy Cobalt. Asked for a Mustang, but they didn't have any on the lot. Gonna trade this one in this weekend hopefuly, holding thumbs for a Mustang or something a lil more pimpidy-pimp!